lunedì 30 dicembre 2013

The road so far

Ok, now imagine some AC/DC music playing and just read this huge clichè of a post.

So this is some good old recap of my last year. Nope I won't do every month or every fucking event or stuff like that. I'm gonna do it like this...

People tend to turn life into four different quadrants: work, love, money and spirituality.

So here you go.

Work. And if I think about work I think of OWL or school.

It's been ok.

I mean I had some trouble in school, mostly because I'm lazy and I really hate my university, teachers and burocracy, just a bunch of assholes, but I just have a little bit of work to do and I'll be finally done with it.



And I have to say that I'm actually pretty proud of how OWL did this year. Ok, we haven't been as active as last year but I really had fun and I feel like I improved a bit with all the j-fashion thing and... I'm glad. I attended the National Harajuku Walk and I've been creating some cute stuff for my outfits... I'm happy!

And I still think this is the only thing that counts.


Now let's talk about love.

I'm still fucking single.

And I kind of miss the feeling of being loved and stuff. I mean OWL do a great job and I know they love me a fucking lot but... It's different. And I don't even know how, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about the way you feel in your head when you're in love and loved back.

Hell I don't even know.

Here, have a cute Cas with a hamburger.


Money.

What about money. Well I'm still not rich, but I had enough. I bought nearly everything I wanted and I've been living kind of ok through this year.

Lately shit's been getting worse and I'm... I'm starting to feel kind of hungry and angry at my family and stuff. But I should have talked about this in the "love" part and I won't do it here. Nor will I go back and add this shit in the right place.

Basically: Money, I wish I had more but who wouldn't?


Spirituality or mind or whatever you want to call this.

I'm ok.

I think this was the most eventful part of my life during this year.

I've been reading and learning about wicca and, well, different kinds of philosphy and I really liked it. I think I believe in karma and how our thoughts can lead us to a better or worse life. I've been doing my best trying to think happy thoughts and... I think it works. At least I feel more relaxed and ready to face all the shit that the world may want to throw at me.
I feel more... at ease with the whole world.

Well, what else.

This year I read Homestuck, and so I finally got over my fear of aliens and such. I'm glad because I was really scared and I didn't do things like stargazing just because of this.

I want to thank OWL for putting up with me and all my shit without making me feel guilty about it. I'm glad I have friends like them, I mean, we're a group, we're into fashion and stuff together but... even if they were "only" friends I'd still be incredibly happy to have them by side. They're like sisters and now and then I think about it and I feel like someday I'll just look at them and wonder what should I call them because... someday our bond will be way stronger than a simple brotherhood... and I really don't know how I'm gonna call it.
I just hope this will keep getting better, 'cause they deserve to be happy and I'd be glad to be with them to share beautiful moments.

Also I met a lot of awesome people, some of them do not know this but I really really like them. I wish them the best and I'd fight for them. I'll make sure to tell them someday that whatever trouble they're into they can count me in for support of any kind.
Hell I wish I wasn't this shy. I wish I could tell them clearly what I think and feel for them and just... let them know I'll be there if they'll ever need help.
I really wish I wasn't so fucking shy.
My life could be so easy.

Well I wish you all a happy nea year. I hope 2014 will be better than 2013, for you and for me.

Have a nice last day in this year, party hard and be happy, the future's so near.

Haru loves you.

mercoledì 25 dicembre 2013

Castiel

Hello!

And Merry Christmas!

I spent a wonderful Christmas (and its eve) watching Supernatural!

Kinda sad, I know, but I had fun and also I finally reached the 4th season! HA! I'm so fucking happy!

At today, at 5 am, I finally met (?) CASTIEL.

All I can really say is that I can't stop blushing like a little school girl who's been noticed by her sempai. Really.
I can't believe how his puppy face affects me. It's motherfucking embarrassing.

I DO NOT BLUSH.

but I can feel blood rushing to my fucking cheeks every time he's got that lost look in his eyes. Like "Dean. I didn't know you were a complete idiot."

He just kills me every time. With that stoic look, he looks like he's trying his best not to look unprofessional but he has no clue on what he's doing and that's just PLAIN AWESOME.

So Castiel and his angel powers make my Strider-like poker face (yeah, that's the one I don't have at all) crack and I just melt. I hate it.

But I knew it. I saw that coming. I started this series with the only goal of seeing him and... omg I'm so embarrassed. I can't even.

I just can't he's so cute. SO CUTE.

How could anyone compete with something so fucking adorable. I know I can't. Maybe Caliborn could... but still. I can't.

I just can't.

Haru loves you.

venerdì 13 dicembre 2013

It feels like shit

Today I went for a little walk in the woods.

Well not really, since there's snow and ice on the paths so I just walked down the main roads but I still enjoyed it.

The point is, since woods can be quite dangerous and mankid sucks I usually dress up as a guy so men just wont give a shit about me hanging there all alone. I mean, I look like a random 14-15 y.o. boy so nobody really gives a crap.

Apparently my mom does.

When I got home, happy and relaxed, she asked me if I was a lesbian and when I told her that dressing up as a guy does not really involve sexual orientation she asked me if I was a trans or something. She was quite upset and I felt really bad.

I'm not a trans but what if I was? God this sure as hell is not the right way to ask your daughter about personal stuff.

Anyway, she kept asking me about it and when I told her I don't feel safe going around dressed as a girl because I don't trust men to keep their dicks into their fucking trousers she laughed me off and... well that left me dumbstruck.

If someone honestly tells me of being scared of something to the point of changing its behaviour... hell, I'd take that seriously.
And it's not something I made up. Here in Italy shit's getting quite hard for women, rapes and murders are quite common and... well mom, I'm sorry for wanting to be kinda safe?

Anyway, the lesbian part really hurt.
She asked me in such a bad way, it's not even the first time but I really can't bring myself to tell her anything about my sexuality.
She says she'd be ok with it but she looks so fucking disappointed while talking about it... and then when I refuse to tell her she tells me I'm a bitch and that I hate her and stuff.

Well, I guess I'll really start hating her someday if she keeps being so pushy about it.

It should not matter.

Are you straight? Lesbian? Bisex? Whatever? HELL FINE, what would you like for dinner?

That's an important question.

I can't help but think that when I'll run away she'll think I'm a huge jerk, but I'll do it just to let the both of us live without killing each other.

I don't like to live knowing I'm not the daughter she wanted, the cute, well behaved, straight, kinda average girl. I know she wanted a girl like that. Like my cousin, actually.

But I really hate to censor my whole life just to please her. I need some freedom. I deserve it, don't I?

Everybody deserves it.

*breathes out* well, I just have to wait a bit more.

But I really am tired.

I never thought this all would affect me so much, but I really am tired of my parent's shit echoing on me.

It would all be so easy if I really did not love them at all.

Funny thing is they hold the whole "after all the things we've done for you you don't even love us" clichè subject against me.

God, I can't even...

I also downloaded Painting Tool SAI, I used to let my art take place on Gimp so... I'll talk about this someday (?)

Haru loves you

mercoledì 11 dicembre 2013

DaveJohn

I bet you all can tell I ship DaveJohn so fucking hard I barely have a life of my own to live.

They're just so damn perfect. Hot. Adorable.

But nobody knows I've been planning to write a post about my favourite fanfics.

At first I wanted to do a big, huge post about all the fics, all the ships, all the ratings, all leghts, all- hell, I guess you got it.
But then it would probably end up bieng a book or something like that so... I'm doing this just about my super-lovely OTP.

DaveJohn.

I read a lot of fanfics (I also used to write but not about Homestuck) of every lenght or rating. There's just one thing I do not like at all. And it's ANGST. If you're looking for angst I'm sorry, this is the wrong post, blog, person and probably universe. I do not tolerate angst in my universe.

Only happy lovely fluffy endings for my sweeties.

Just a couple of warnings: I call the ship DaveJohn but I don't really mean the order, it can be either John or Dave topping. Also I'll post both SFW and NSFW here, I'll tell which ones are kinda dirty though. I'll also do my best to tag triggers and stuff, I hope I won't forget any of them.

Lets start with the first fanfic I remember reading about Dave and John.

"Waiting for the end" by Tero Ne.
It's really long (over 100k words) but I really really loved reading it! There's some smut so I think it could be kinda NSFW? I mean the story is quite long and.. it's kind of normal to get to hot stuff during it.
Anyway, the point is this one's adorable and it takes place in an Alternia/Earth-post-sburb/sgrub!AU?
There are a lot of other pairings but I think I sould tell you about the awesome kismesis that Dave has with Karkat in this one.
Just read it ok?

I also really like random AUs so... reverse!Demonstuck!

"and let this cold night's wind be my witness" by Snowsheba.
It's a oneshot (over 17k words) and I read it right after a small Supernatural marathon so I was really into it! Kinda SFW but there's some major character death and graphic violence. Quite graphic violence, actually. I loved it because it can get really psychological and deep if you let the main character's thoughts get at you.

Still an AU but... kinda vintage (?)

"The Heir and His Knight" by wittyy_name.
Medieval!AU and it's absolutely gorgeous. Quite long (over 120k words) but definitely worth it, I didn't want it to end actually! Can get kinda NSFW but again, it's a long story, it would be disappointing without a bit of smut! Also, there's some Rosemary. Super cute Rosemary. I also need to warn you, this one made me cry (and I hardly ever cy) but... the sequel/spin off made me cry more. "Of Hope and Heart" is adorable as well and completes the AU with some much needed DirkJake.

But what if you're looking for some kinky, hot smut?

Irrevocably, Irrefutably, Indisputably by ravenfyre.
I really have to warn you about this one. This is not a PWP, it does have a plot and it's a quite interesting one but it's still mainly porn. Also kinda kinky. Mild vouyerism and exhibitionism, oral, handjob, foreplay and stuff. Just to let you know what I'm referring to: it's DaveJohn, but it's mainly Bro's pov. It's longish (over 20k words) and I think it's hot, sweet and made me really laugh a couple of times.
If you're ok with kinks, just read it!

So these are my faves so far, I might do similar posts about more ships or more specific subjects, if you want something special just ask!
I'll see what can I do about it ^^

Also a great thanks goes to the writers that did such a great job, I really loved your fics! *^*

Haru loves you

domenica 8 dicembre 2013

Fighters

So... I'm still sick.

I'm coughing up some horrible shit and tomorrow I'll go and see a doctor, she'll prescribe me some antibiotics and maybe some kind of aersol. My doc loves aerosol. Idek.

Anyway it's been a while since the last time I got this sick, maybe a couple of years, or even more... Now that I think of it, I don't remember getting such a bad cold since that time when I was 15 y.o.

God that time shit really got nasty, I had been running in the cold winter air with a fever. I guess nothing good could have come from such an idiotic behaviour. I kind of deserved it. The day after I went to school anyway, you know, there was this cute guy... that didn't give a shit about me doing my best to die of pneumonia just to see his awesome ass.
I was so young and stupid.

...me and my friends ended up shipping him secretely with his little brother. They were so so so alike. It was like selfcest. Hot selfcest.

Anyway I was thinking about how I handle crushes.

After thinking about this for something like... 10 minutes? I came up with a little "modus operandi" of my absolutely useless and uncooperative brain.

And I want to tell you all.

Basically because I'm stupid or because my brain is trying again to destroy my whole life. I really can't tell.

First of all there has to be a cute girl around for me to notice.
I don't really have a type I like, it's more a love-at-first-sight thing. And that's why it's all so random. People's always like "omg but you barely know me" and I'm like "Yeah, but I like you so far and I'd love to know more". Is this really that fucked up? Idk.

Then I try to chat with this girl, and she's cute and smart and adorable, because that's how girls are! Cute, smart and adorable, and I'm so hopelessly lovestruck that I KNOW I'm fucking embarrassing but I can't help it! She's adorable and she's talking to me and I'm so lucky!

But at some point something happens. It can be a word or something that she does or does not do and... I start to dubt. What if she's not the right one. What if she's going to leave and hurt me or... (here I can get a bit dramatical, sorry) what if it's just so awful that I have to leave her and hurt her before she destroys everything I know and love. OMG.

But it's fine. This is just my brain being my brain again, isn't it? Yeah. Everything's ok, she's cute, smart and adorable, Haru. Just look at her. She's smiling and she looks stunning with that haircut. She does not believe me when I tell her she's perfect but it's ok, because she's had a hard life, like I did, and it really took me a while so sort my shit out so it's ok. She's beautiful, look at her. Maybe if she got to be my girl... I could help her be strong enough to pull her shit together faster and without tears and bad feelings. Maybe I could learn to bake and make her sweets! And take pictures of her when she's not looking and...

"I'm not gonna do it"
What. I'm sure I misheard that last part, ahah I- Can you repeat, I heard you're not going to fight to make your life better and that's fucked u-
"I'm ok with things as they are, I mean nobody's happy"
No, wait, that's not true! You can have all you want, you just have to work for it and you'll have a great lif-
"There are things we'll never get"
...
"I don't want to fight against it"
...
"I have to accept things as they are"
So that's it. You're like... them. You're one of those girls who just give up, without even trying. You...
I can't help you.
You don't want to fight so... I might as well give up.

But that's not the kind of girl I like. I like girls who are brave enough to get up and fight.

So it all ends. Usually they don't even know I liked them and I loose interest in them pretty fast. Don't get me wrong, I keep talking with them and I still like them. They're still cute and smart and adorable but... knowing that all the shit they're going through is not something the world just threw at them but something they're kind of ok with is... sickening.

And I want and need a fighter like me by my side.

The bad thing is that I can't seem to find any around here...

Kinda tired r/n and these nasty coughing fits are getting kinda worse.

Btw don't get me wrong again. A non fighter can become a fighter, and I'm glad to help if that's what they want... but if they don't. I can't do anything about it but talk with you all and try to be comforting.
Sorry people.

Haru loves you.

mercoledì 4 dicembre 2013

The Internet

I know it's not really late but I'm writing this post right before going to bed because I'm really really tired!
And I've been awake for... 10 hours? Maybe less actually.

That's because I caught a motherfucking awful cold. I'm not sure about this, I'm way too lazy to get up and look for a themometer, but I think I might have a fever.

Anyway, I'm not gonna die, am I?

If I die just know you can cmpletely blame Rika. She's the one who infected me! (Rika I think I hate you)

The point is that my whole body hurts and I can't bring myself to do anything, so I've spent these last days on the internet trying to talk with people but... the internet's been acting up and it's making everything soooo difficult. I can't even talk to OWL normally! This is so so so bad.

I feel kind of lonely.

Even my mom and my brother have been out all day and it's literally just me and my cat. Not a random cat. It's Raven.

She hates cuddles.

That's how I ended up watching MOAR Supernatural.
I was stuck at the beginning of the second season because after Lucca I couldn't find a fucking moment to watch it but I made up for it today.

Yeah, I know, I'm taking it quite slow for someone who wants to see Cas but really, I've had a lot of shit to do for the university and I still have much to do. I don't really want to think about it.

After something like six episodes I was kind of tired though so I thought I'd try and chat with this cute girl I met some time ago but it was 6 pm and it was so fucking early! I can't be nice and charming that early, really. So I fucked around on tumblr and now... now I'm staring right into THE DEATH's hollow eyes and I just want to read a fluffy Homestuck fanfiction and sleep.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep.

Shitty cold and shitty extra sickness-induced hours of sleep.

Gotta go and face it though.

Haru loves you.