Excited and feeling like shit

I'm beginning my eternal jurney of work and tears to get my cosplay for Lucca Comics done.

And I'm just gonna write down here why I'm feeling excited and like shit at the same time while doing and even planning this.

As I said in my last week's vlog (it's in Italian, sorry) I'm not gonna tell you which character is it and not even the fandom.

What I can definitely tell you is that I'm anxious because it's one of my fave characters. Ever.

I usually love characters that somehow remind me of myself, basically because I feel like I can understand how they feel and think, and sometimes I can even relate to some of their experiences or choices. They usually have a weird sense of humor and just try to act all smooth (and sometimes fail at it epically) while they're just huge dorks. Also they're usually disinterested (or act like it) in all the stuff going on ultill shit gets real and at that point they just leash out and wreck some shit. Because it needs to be done. And if it needs to be done and none's willing to do it they just have to step up and save the damn day.

That's why I love them.

They're not really self confident. They had to act like it because of random reasons but in the end they're just damn kids (regardless of age) and are scared shitless by life and anything, but they don't give up.

They try to have things their way and when they can't and have to face the awful reality just wipe off their tears and pick up their sword (yep, it's usually swords... kinda funny) and fight for their lives and what they believe.

And I am just madly in love with them all. Meaning that I'm not looking for a person like this irl (the perfect girl/boy for me has a different personality) but I'd just love to be like them because I think they're awesome.

And... I am aware of being like them already. Of course I'm far more balanced, because I'm not a stereotype (I'd say because I'm real but life keeps denying my existence so...) and they actually have this huge flaws just to make them look real even if they don't...

But I never ever feel like I'm enough to be like them. At all.

That's the main reason that got me to hide my next cosplay.

It's a character I LOVE TO BITS and I... I feel like I'm just not enough. Even though I even compared height and weight and it could kinda match... even though I can feel how bad every emotional blow might have felt in its place...

Basically... I'm pretty self confident untill I see my fave characters.

They've got the power to make me feel like shit compared to how cool they are and, well... I feel like shit just thinking about my cosplay.

BUT I'm gonna do it.

Because I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I even talked about it with some REALLY close friends and I came to the conclusion that I really need to get id of this thing that triggers my self-loathing.

I have to do it to try and make good memories of me cosplaying as someone I love deeply, so that I won't be scared to death of cosplay and I'm feel like it's ok if I cosplay someone I look up to.

And this might all seem prety dumb but if you think I'm an idiot you're probably right and wasting your time reading an idiot's blog so we're kind of even.

If you don't think I'm an idiot...

Haru loves you <3