Family and then not.

Have you ever heard of Droplets?

It's an awesome fanfiction written by Vee. It's a JeanMarco and I literally love it, like a lot of other awesome fics about this ship, I guess I recognize myself in Jean far too much to be healthy and Marco's just this adorable dork. I wish I had someone like him.

But Droplets is pretty different. This fic tears your heart apart and I guess it just went and poked me the wrong way for I am about to tell you about my family.


I used to live with my mom, my dad and my younger brother (two years younger) in the top flat of a three story house. My grandma (dad's mom) lives on the first floor and my bedroom's in her house, technically speaking.

I don't really think my parents were bad parents, I guess they just did things like they thought was better for me and my brother. Too bad it worked like shit and we're both pretty fucked up. I'm the lucky one out of the two of us, my brother's into drugs and his life's been pretty shitty with dyslexia and dyscalculia and a lot of other small problems to ruin everything.
I'm the lucky one because I stopped resenting him for my shitty life a long ago (my parents really didn't take care of me like they should have because he had a lot of problems) and because I was smart enough to face all the crap life threw at me and overcome it without my parents support.

Of course it had bad consequences for me, but I'm not gonna talk about it.

What I wanna talk about is that my brother started rehab a couple years ago and I started seeing a therapist to unscrew my brain.

We're both doing pretty good so far.

We'd probably have done better if my dad didn't turn out to be a complete ass a year and a half ago.

He cheated on my mom.

With her best friend.

A friend that we saved from her abusive husband, let sleep in our house and took care of her kids. We helped her get a new house.

She's a shitty human, I know.

So my dad left. He's now living with that woman, taking really good care of her kids, like he did not do for me and my brother.

He took them to see HTTYD2 and never wanted to read a single manga od watch a single episode of FMA when I asked him to. He goes to the park with them and when I was 7 y.o. I had to go alone with my 5 y.o. brother taking care of him. He takes him to school in the morning but I had to learn to wake up alone when I was 10 because he didn't want to get up earlier to make me breakfast. He stays with them during Christmas and random holidays but I hardly ever saw him on those days and stopped getting gifts when I was 11 y.o.

I don't blame him for leaving my mom. Their marriage was shit and I told them so when I was 9 y.o. but they just told me I was a kid and I was wrong.

I blame him for leaving me and my brother, when we most needed support, for choosing to be with a woman that knows no respect or gratitude and for giving a random kid stuff he never bothered to give me and my brother.

I'm ashamed of being her daughter, ashamed of looking like him and having a name he dared to give me before ignoring me and giving my grandma the burden of raising me (she's old, I don't blame her for doing a half assed job).

I hate him for being such an idiot. I hate him for teaching me that family is the only thing you need and tearing it apart when some woman offered to suck him off.

I'm upset with my mom for not leaving him earlier, everytime they fought we used to go see aparments in Cuneo to escape but never did, and I'm upset with her for being upset because I know he does not deserve her time or her energy, even if she isn't the brightest crayon in the box.
Because she might not be as smart as him, but at least she did not leave us to deal with our crap. And I'm not even talking about me: I did shit alone all my life, I can still do it, I'm talking about my brother that needs help and has such a hard time letting people get close.

I despise him for forcing all his paranoid crap down my throat and for making me feel like my whole life would have been about fighting every single human for food. For telling me that friends aren't real and that people would hate me no matter what.

But there is something that I am proud of.

And that is myself.

I am proud of being me, of doing stuff on my own, counting on my friends and my mom and brother. On my work. On my money.

Lucca Comics and Games 2014.

That is something I did without asking him anything. It was all made with my own struggle, time and money.

And I did not only do it. It was GREAT. I helped organizing shit he wouldn't ever have dreamt of organizing, I got a free pass for four days to a huge event and met awesome people that were happy to see me.

Fuck off dad.

Watch me use your genetics like you were never brave enough to.


Shout out to all the lovely kids that have awful parents:

You can go on and be great. You can show them how good you are. You can do it by yourself. You are not like them. You are good enough and brave enough to make it.

Haru loves you.