Hospital

I guess this is kind of important.

Being a nurse (nearly) I heard a lot of stories about "how it feels when you're about to faint" and it sounds like it's something you absolutely notice, no matter what.

You start to sweat, you feel weak, your sight gets shitty and then you're on the floor waiting to wake up.

Well, I experienced it yesterday for the first time in my whole life.

And first of all... it's pretty shitty. But let me tell you hw things went...

I didn't sleep, or if I slept... they were some bad z's. That's because my tummy hurt like a motherfucker. But I didn't think anything of it. I mean I ate a lot of fastfood and unhealty stuff during the weekend so it made sense.

I decided to get up and get something to drink, I was pretty sleepy and my legs felt somewhat wobbly but... why would that be weird?
So coming back to my room I felt really tired and looked at my bed. Just a few steps.

All I remember is my butt hitting the floor and then I woke up on the floor.

And the I threw up. A lot.

Later I went to the hospital since I couldn' get up without fainting again and the doctor told me I got gastroenteritis. The one with pretty high temperature.


But the point is not the gastroenteritis.

The point is that fainting can feel like a lot of different things and that's what makes it so shitty.

For me is just feeling confused and seeing weird brownish pixels at the edge of my vision but that's not how it feels to everyone. So if you never experienced it, when you're feeling strange or weak or whatever... just sit down, whereever you are and wait for it to go away, and ask for help and get checked up.

Because it could be nothing, but it could be pretty serious as well.

Haru loves you.

Ever.

Hello there!

I think you all remember the dramatic scene from Pile of cells. No, of course you don't, I know. Because I didn't give a crap about people reading it so I didn't spam it at all. owo

Anyway now you know about it and what I wanted to tell you is that... she did notice, I did tell her and she DID want this useless pile of cells!

And I'm glad!

I am now ready to tell you all!

Her name's Claudia and she's cute, adorable and omg I reaaaaally like her! owo

We're gonna go on a date next week and it'll be sooooo cool, I just can't wait to see her and hug her! It's been a while (a week? a week and a half?) since the last time I saw her! And also last time I still thought this was all some one-sided sad-as-fuck feeling so I didn't do much. Or talk to her much.
God, I was trying so hard not to stare at her or just randomly blush when she smiled çAç so so so hard.

MY KOKORO WAS GOING ALL DOKI DOKI

and I couldn't help it .-.

The week before I had to deal with a lot of random anxiety because I would remember at random times that she was coming over and I'd just... panic. I did my best to make it all perfect (and failed epically) for her and omg. SO. MUCH. PANIC.

I'm not even used to it. I'm a calm girl I do not panic, I never panic... until I do. çAç That shit's creepy ok? I do not like being all anxious and stuff. I hate it.

My life, my mind was so fucked up I stopped talking to her for three days straight, right after meeting her, because I felt like shit just thinking about her being disappointed about me, my house, my food, my cats, my family... hell, everything. I even felt bad for my fucking washing machine. MY WASHING MACHINE. Ok, now you know I can panic.

I really hope this won't happen never ever again. Ever. I don't like it. I want to be calm and the happy-go-lucky girl I usually am. No panic. Not ever. EVER.

Haru loves you.

(ever.)

Honk

Hello there!

In case you were wondering... I had a little chat with this girl and DID NOT TELL HER, but she might not hate me so yay *^*

Also everyone's telling me she might even like me so I'm happy and I'm def gonna keep flirting. I'm even trying to make it a bit more... evident? Idk.

Anyway I'm happy.

And... I've been working on my cosplay for the Torino Comics!

I'm gonna cosplay as Gamzee Makara from Homestuck.

I'm cosplaying as him even if he's not my fave character (that'd be Dave) and even my favourite alpha (is he an alpha?) troll. That'd be Sol. Definitely Sol.

But I like him, I think he's pretty funny untill... uh... well you know.

SPOILER

I don't really like sober Gamzee, he's still pretty funny now and then but I really can't get over the fact that he randomply killed Equius and Nepeta.
I'd also feel even worse since I'll probably be hangin' around with a sweet Nepeta çAç
I feel so guilty. (?)
Anyway that's why I'm not a sober Gamzee and I'll be a sweet deeply on drugs miracle-blinded Gamzee <3

He's so adorable. Just like a kid.

END SPOILER.

So...

I've got my shoes done and my horns are nearly ready!

I still have to make the dots on my pants and the shirt's being printed *^* I can't wait to put it all on!

Also I'll be using snazaroo's colours light grey and white (I plan on using white for some random shironuri as well).

I'm waiting for the wig. I'll have to style it, or better, Rika will style it.

She's lucky I don't have my horn yet or else I'd be randomly honking at her during the styling process XD

Yup, I'm just that horrible.

Well if you'll see a Gamzee at Torino Comics you know it'll probably be me! I don't think there'll be other Gamzees (?)

Haru loves you!

Pile of Cells

So, today's kind of a weird day.

Ok, all of my days are weird, so probably they're just plaind boring days and I'm completely insane.

But today that's not the point. Or maybe it is. Idk.

Anyway I've been getting a lot of news about the girl I like and stuff and... I feel like crap.

But I'd better start from the beginning and it's that... I just had a rad weekend and I slept something like 4 hours in the last two days so I'm probably just having a random mental break down.

The girl I like is like... woah. She's awesome. I really really like her and I feel so happy when I'm with her and I'm a little awkward shit so she probably does not know at all or just ignores me.

If she's ignoring me... that'd break my heart, brain and everything. But it's fine and I'd just get over it hiding all the shit under the mat an stuff.

Omg I'm such an idiot.

Well anyway I've been getting news about her and I'm sad as fuck because she probably thinks I am the worst thing in the whole world so... yay.

I'd just give up and fuck off but I'm so tired of getting over her and falling fo her again the first time I see her or talk or chat or even hear her name. I'M SO TIRED of not being able to go on.

So I'm just gonna keep flirting. And I do not flirt because I don't know how to so I'll just keep being randomly nice to her with little invisible things that she does not notice so yeah.

I'm a useless pile of cells and salty water, what am I even.

Haru loves you

I'm not cute.

In this past week I've been sick, I've felt sad, alone, hopeless and... alone again and... well I felt like shit ok?

This all started because I noticed that some people who claim to like me (like... more than friends?) don't really talk to me.
I mean, they chat with me but they don't know anything about me because... they don't ask.

All out chats are like


How are you?

I'm fine and you?

Awwwww so cute! You're fine! So sweet *^*


And the same happens for... anything I say. It's just... a constant reminder about how cute/sweet/adorable I can be... while doing anything apparently.

Am I the only one who thinks this is fucked up?

I'm not even that ok with the idea of being cute (it's kind of the adorabloodthirsty thing from homestuck) but I can somehow deal with it.
Since I'm a girl and being a short girl will just give everybody the right to assume you're innocent and need someone to defend you from all the bad guys out there.

Bitch please.

But most of all... do I look like I have some kind of lack of affection or... hell idk. I may have some issue with my parents not showing me enough love or stuff but NO.

I do not want to be treated like a puppy. Hell I can be useful and strong and whatever, don't talk to me like I'm some kind of doll whose only purpose is to sit around being cute.

Holy shit.

But then this triggered something else.

What if they do that just because... they don't really care? I mean, they all say they want to be close to OWL and stuff so...

WHAT IF

I'm just the easiest way to get to OWL.

Since I'm the only one that's single.

This really fucked up my whole brain.

But Rika told me that's just how people usually flirt with you when they don't know you.
This is still pretty fucked up since I post and talk about myself so much it hurts (no really, it damages people's brain and patience, I'm sorry) but ok, I'll deal with it.

Haru loves you.

Tutoring and work

So it's been a while since the last post and the main reason is... I've been quite busy.

I've been at school a lot lately because I'm into this tutoring program for little kouhais (?) in my university.

Students were told to study and then ask me explanations about the topics they did not understand in the chemistry and statistics program.

I'm not even complaining about the fact that they just come to me looking like little lost lambs asking me to explain everything in the fucking program (and I mean EVERYTHING), what got me quite upset is that all of them decided to ask for help something like... four days before the exams?

I really like tutoring and stuff but please, PLEASE, do us all a favour and ask for tutoring at least a week before, so that we have some time to do it and neither of us will have to survive 4 hours straight of chemistry or fucking statistics.

So basically that's what happened. I've been tutoring and I still have two days to go (statistics, omg, I just can't) and on saturday... I can't relax. I'll start working.

I'm kinda anxious about that. I'll work in this hospice, helping the staff during meals and it is something that I did quite often in the hospital during my training as a nurse (?) so I'm not really scared of what I'll have to do. What I'm worried about is the staff itself. It's completely made up of kinda old, close-minded women and I don't know if I'll be able to fit in.

Also my mom keeps telling me it'll be hard and at first I didn't pay attention but now that it's all so close and so real... I'm kinda worried.

I'll let you know how it is.

Now I'll go and get some sleep, today was Rika's birthday and we had a lot of fun, but I'll tell you about this tomorrow I guess.

Haru loves you.

Teeth

Hello.

You know what? I'm kinda scared.

Every damn actor or singer or whatever has the exact same teeth.

They're all the same lenght, similar dimension and with absolutely innocent looking canines. And it really upsets me.

It's not really important, I mean, they're still hot as hell but it's just like... if teeth are just like fingerprints, unique and stuff... why do they look so alike.

I know, they're fake and stuff.

But my teeth are really different from Rika's or Shane's and the same goes for everyone I know.

They look all the same, it's weird. Looks weird.

Don't get me wrong. I still love all of my idols!

Haru loves you!