To you 20 years from now...

I tend to read a lot of fanfics as you probably already noticed.

I read them because they keep me company here in this small shithole where I live and I kidn of owe the fanwriters for being able to write this in English in the first place... and I can say I speak English better than Spanish that is my second native language... but I guess that says more about how bad I am at expressing myself in Spanish than how good I might be with English.

But still. I read a lot of fanfics.

Because I feel like I learnt a lot about romance from all those super-romantic stories (what about my parents having a weird relatioship that sure as fuck was not love??) and I love them.  I love reading fluff. I love smutty stuff as well.

I don't read angst, just cute nice things with happy endings. I love that.

But what I wanted to say is that I think it's pretty cute how a lot of fanfics tell of undying love that starts when the protagonists met at a very young age.

They might be neighbours, classmates or just random childhood friends but they really really lover each other and so they just stuck together and lived happily ever after.

Let me tell you that's cute as fuck.

But that does not happen irl.

Or at least that did not happen to me. That did not happen to anyone I know. Nobody's still friends with their childhood BFF and I sincerely think that my old friend form primary school is definitely not my kind of girl. And I am definitely not her kind of boy. (not being a boy at all plays an important role in that last part.)

Also the sweet humans I hang out with lately... and not even old friends. I met all of them in the last three years and I'm 23 y.o. so... we didn't really share a good part of our life. No romantic "knowing everything of eachother for platonic reasons" and only a small amount of "sweet and awkward memories about each other" so... that wouldn't really be super-romantic story material.

YET.

And that's something that makes me feel good about stuff.

(Lately things are being kinda rough and I'm really starting to worry and overthink stuff. I should stop, I know.)

I am 23 y.o. (and a half-ish??) and I am still young!

Statistics say that I'll probably live something like 80 years so I've lived something like.... 1/4 of what I can expect to live??

I can still meet someone that at some point will be able to say that has known me for so long that is actually more than half my life.

And that puts my mind at ease.

The fact that I do not have someone that stuck with me for long until now doesn't mean that I won't ever have someone like that. I might even have met them already, in this three years!

But it'll take 20 years more to tell.

That's cool.

Family and then not.

Have you ever heard of Droplets?

It's an awesome fanfiction written by Vee. It's a JeanMarco and I literally love it, like a lot of other awesome fics about this ship, I guess I recognize myself in Jean far too much to be healthy and Marco's just this adorable dork. I wish I had someone like him.

But Droplets is pretty different. This fic tears your heart apart and I guess it just went and poked me the wrong way for I am about to tell you about my family.


I used to live with my mom, my dad and my younger brother (two years younger) in the top flat of a three story house. My grandma (dad's mom) lives on the first floor and my bedroom's in her house, technically speaking.

I don't really think my parents were bad parents, I guess they just did things like they thought was better for me and my brother. Too bad it worked like shit and we're both pretty fucked up. I'm the lucky one out of the two of us, my brother's into drugs and his life's been pretty shitty with dyslexia and dyscalculia and a lot of other small problems to ruin everything.
I'm the lucky one because I stopped resenting him for my shitty life a long ago (my parents really didn't take care of me like they should have because he had a lot of problems) and because I was smart enough to face all the crap life threw at me and overcome it without my parents support.

Of course it had bad consequences for me, but I'm not gonna talk about it.

What I wanna talk about is that my brother started rehab a couple years ago and I started seeing a therapist to unscrew my brain.

We're both doing pretty good so far.

We'd probably have done better if my dad didn't turn out to be a complete ass a year and a half ago.

He cheated on my mom.

With her best friend.

A friend that we saved from her abusive husband, let sleep in our house and took care of her kids. We helped her get a new house.

She's a shitty human, I know.

So my dad left. He's now living with that woman, taking really good care of her kids, like he did not do for me and my brother.

He took them to see HTTYD2 and never wanted to read a single manga od watch a single episode of FMA when I asked him to. He goes to the park with them and when I was 7 y.o. I had to go alone with my 5 y.o. brother taking care of him. He takes him to school in the morning but I had to learn to wake up alone when I was 10 because he didn't want to get up earlier to make me breakfast. He stays with them during Christmas and random holidays but I hardly ever saw him on those days and stopped getting gifts when I was 11 y.o.

I don't blame him for leaving my mom. Their marriage was shit and I told them so when I was 9 y.o. but they just told me I was a kid and I was wrong.

I blame him for leaving me and my brother, when we most needed support, for choosing to be with a woman that knows no respect or gratitude and for giving a random kid stuff he never bothered to give me and my brother.

I'm ashamed of being her daughter, ashamed of looking like him and having a name he dared to give me before ignoring me and giving my grandma the burden of raising me (she's old, I don't blame her for doing a half assed job).

I hate him for being such an idiot. I hate him for teaching me that family is the only thing you need and tearing it apart when some woman offered to suck him off.

I'm upset with my mom for not leaving him earlier, everytime they fought we used to go see aparments in Cuneo to escape but never did, and I'm upset with her for being upset because I know he does not deserve her time or her energy, even if she isn't the brightest crayon in the box.
Because she might not be as smart as him, but at least she did not leave us to deal with our crap. And I'm not even talking about me: I did shit alone all my life, I can still do it, I'm talking about my brother that needs help and has such a hard time letting people get close.

I despise him for forcing all his paranoid crap down my throat and for making me feel like my whole life would have been about fighting every single human for food. For telling me that friends aren't real and that people would hate me no matter what.

But there is something that I am proud of.

And that is myself.

I am proud of being me, of doing stuff on my own, counting on my friends and my mom and brother. On my work. On my money.

Lucca Comics and Games 2014.

That is something I did without asking him anything. It was all made with my own struggle, time and money.

And I did not only do it. It was GREAT. I helped organizing shit he wouldn't ever have dreamt of organizing, I got a free pass for four days to a huge event and met awesome people that were happy to see me.

Fuck off dad.

Watch me use your genetics like you were never brave enough to.


Shout out to all the lovely kids that have awful parents:

You can go on and be great. You can show them how good you are. You can do it by yourself. You are not like them. You are good enough and brave enough to make it.

Haru loves you.

Young and Beautiful

Wanna know what's werid?

Being sick.

Ok, maybe being sick isn't weird, it just sucks but lately when I'm sick it feels pretty weird. Thank's God it's not something that happens often.

But you know how it is, you feel like crap and do your best not to throw up and just end up in your bed spending your day on the internet and stuff. While people are doing actual things because their guts are collaborating to have a normal life.

I guess that's why nobody's ever online when I'm sick, because they're fine and living. At school or work. Doing healty human things.

The point is that I've got nobody to talk to and it's so BORING.

So boring that after doing everything that I could possibly do I still have a lot of time left to think. And you know that thinking never leads to a happy ending. Thinking just pulls all that forgotten crap to the bright sunlinght and I swear if I forgot about it I had a good reason. Thinking doesn't care about reasons tho.

So besides being sick I am now sad as well.

Actually I made myself sad, then I tried to help someone and ended up even sadder. Then I decided that some good old OTP would help me but RiRen just made me even more sad.

SAD.

I didn't think that something called YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL could turn me into this upset... thing... I am right now. And yet, here I am.

It is indeed beautiful, but come on, thisa fandom already has enough angst, why would we go and make it this painful??

I've got no answer and still I am SAD.

Haru loves you tho

Stalking and panic

Hello and welcome to the super new episode of- no ok, I'll stop.

I know it is pretty stupid to write it here but please don't tell anyone.

I am currently stalking someone.

Not bad stalking, I'm not  secretly snapping pictures of them changing their underwear or checking what they threw out this morning. I'm not a bad stalker, come on.

I'm a nice stalker.

People would pay to be stalked by me, I'm such a silent and smart stalker. I'm a fox. I can follow you and you'd never know.

...

I'm a beast.

But putting my awesomeness and bad jokes aside, I am stalking someone. Also I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one doing it since they're somewhat of a celebrity (?)

...also my crush.

Yeah I know I'm fucked. But I can't bring myself to care about it, I mean, when I was 15 y.o. I met a writer who got to be with her fave singer for something like YEARS and I guess that gave me some sort of pretty bad example on how to deal with impossible crushes so here I am. Stalking.

Just for the sake of it, because they live so far away they could live with a leg in Satan's mouth and it wouldn't really make any difference.

Haru's kinda broke, can't pay for such a loooooooooong flight.

So.... basically I am just doing it to feel somewhat close to them. I'm getting more info about climate, temperature, timezones, sun up and down, moon rising and stuff like that so that I can imagine how it feels right now where they live.

BUT I'm not here to talk about them. ( aaah... them. <3 ) I don't want to give you any clues on who they might be and stuff. Not your business.

What might be your business (?) is how I feel about it and what I think about.

And I am currently thinking about how can someone not look like some obsessive fan and more like a normal human, to a celebrity?

Fuck me if I know.

But if you know you could tell me, I'd LOVE to know, considering I have absolutely no way to meet them in person for something like months. Several months. And only for... days. A few days.

Also I seem to suck at all the flirting thing, I don't even want to know how bad I'll suck at stuff like trans-cultural flirting. I mean I'll probably just greet them and accidentaly insult their whole family plus the dog and trying to apologise I'll threaten to piss into their grandma's ashes so yeah.

Yeah.

This post was originally started because I wonder if I can somehow give people warm and loving looks or if my eyes are just naturally set on my "I am dumb but I still consider you inferior and I hate you" look. That'd be a weird look to give while trying to be sweet.

So that's it.

I'm open to suggestions and ideas that I know won't come since people only write me when they need help. Little bastards.

But Haru still loves you.

Black Hole

Idek.

"It's so weird to look back at what's happened in my life lately. There's this... black deep hole that's like just behind me. Weird stuff happened, everything felt like a huge and unnatural amount of bad luck and that's what I think it was. Bad people, bad choices, bad instinct, bad everything.

Someone I let in found a way to completely undemine my self-confidence and even if this all was a bad luck accident I'm pretty sure I'll never really give up on this almost silent sore feeling for this person. I can't seem to let it go and I know I probably won't.

I know it'll push me forward for half my life.

I feel sorry, tho. For everything. For me, for my friends, for my past and for my future, for this person as well. Because I was trying to help. Help everyone. Show everyone how nice things could be, how perfect everything would turn out if they just as much as considered my directions.

But it did not happen.

And it's fine.

It's fine because I feel it'll all turn out fine. The people who stuck by my side give me a good vibe and someone got lost along the way and it's ok. I care, but I know I should not.

I should let it go and I'm doing my best to.

But things will be fine, the air itself smells like nice things coming our way and the movement feel so focused and armonious, like the whole universe is just being the stage for some huge and awesome event. And I can't wait (joke's on me I guess).

I... I think I need this. Deserve this. Just like I needed that huge hole I fell in last spring.

I don't know if anyone's feeling this right now or what. But I'm glad.

Deep down I'm glad."

Haru loves you

Yarn and checkpoints

I guess it's just like being in a maze.

You have to cross that damn thing so you just take a huge ball of yarn and get in. So every time you loose your way you can go back to where you started off and try again.

And I think that's what I'm doing.

Lately I've been pretty unhappy. I was demotivated and I didn't feel like fighting to accomplish stuff. Of any kind, actually. Be it school, work, social life, spiritual stuff or well... whatever. I was completely out of it, just wondering stuff like "why am I even breathing?".

And that exact question is usually tells me that I'm really not ok.

So I did what I had to do... I asked for help.

At first I asked Rika and Shane and they did their best to cheer me up and try to solve all the knots in my head but... it was pretty hard this time.

I had completely lost sight of my goals.

And without goals in which I believe... I just don't move.

I still don't really get what put me in that damn bad mood.

I'm trying to figure it out but I suspect it was just a series of slightly bad choices and probably some awful people I happened to meet and befriend... they're all gone now. It looks like I was still too cheerful and... "Haru" for them, even if what they got to know was an Haru in such a bad shape I'm not even sure I'd call it an Haru (?)

Anyways. Just like in a maze I slowly made my way back to where I started.

Now I've got more knowledge and experience, I hope I can avoid making the same mistakes.

But most important thing is that I remembered so much stuff that just a year ago was so so so important for me and at some point I just kind of... forgot about it.

I didn't remember where my love for red and lions came from, or where did the name Miwa come from and what it implied, or just... why I'm into all this stuff that does not even make completely sense.

The point is that I'm into stuff as long as it's fun.

Everything in my whole life is like it is because at first I wanted to have fun and you know what? That's the best decision I've ever made.

As long as I have fun everything's fine.

When it stops being amusing it'll get shitty and upset me.

So just... fuck it.

I've got the right to choose what to or not to do, and I realize right now why I felt so close to Virus and Trip, but seriously. If I'm not having fun doing stuff I really can't see the point of doing it in the first place. If I'm not having fun with someone I can't see the point in keeping up any kind of relationship...

So this is my first valid checkpoint following my super-rad yarn (it's the colour of fire and sunshine and smirking foxes) and I'm gonna start over from here.

And I already made my first move from here.

But it's a secret!

Haru loves you

Hospital

I guess this is kind of important.

Being a nurse (nearly) I heard a lot of stories about "how it feels when you're about to faint" and it sounds like it's something you absolutely notice, no matter what.

You start to sweat, you feel weak, your sight gets shitty and then you're on the floor waiting to wake up.

Well, I experienced it yesterday for the first time in my whole life.

And first of all... it's pretty shitty. But let me tell you hw things went...

I didn't sleep, or if I slept... they were some bad z's. That's because my tummy hurt like a motherfucker. But I didn't think anything of it. I mean I ate a lot of fastfood and unhealty stuff during the weekend so it made sense.

I decided to get up and get something to drink, I was pretty sleepy and my legs felt somewhat wobbly but... why would that be weird?
So coming back to my room I felt really tired and looked at my bed. Just a few steps.

All I remember is my butt hitting the floor and then I woke up on the floor.

And the I threw up. A lot.

Later I went to the hospital since I couldn' get up without fainting again and the doctor told me I got gastroenteritis. The one with pretty high temperature.


But the point is not the gastroenteritis.

The point is that fainting can feel like a lot of different things and that's what makes it so shitty.

For me is just feeling confused and seeing weird brownish pixels at the edge of my vision but that's not how it feels to everyone. So if you never experienced it, when you're feeling strange or weak or whatever... just sit down, whereever you are and wait for it to go away, and ask for help and get checked up.

Because it could be nothing, but it could be pretty serious as well.

Haru loves you.

Ever.

Hello there!

I think you all remember the dramatic scene from Pile of cells. No, of course you don't, I know. Because I didn't give a crap about people reading it so I didn't spam it at all. owo

Anyway now you know about it and what I wanted to tell you is that... she did notice, I did tell her and she DID want this useless pile of cells!

And I'm glad!

I am now ready to tell you all!

Her name's Claudia and she's cute, adorable and omg I reaaaaally like her! owo

We're gonna go on a date next week and it'll be sooooo cool, I just can't wait to see her and hug her! It's been a while (a week? a week and a half?) since the last time I saw her! And also last time I still thought this was all some one-sided sad-as-fuck feeling so I didn't do much. Or talk to her much.
God, I was trying so hard not to stare at her or just randomly blush when she smiled çAç so so so hard.

MY KOKORO WAS GOING ALL DOKI DOKI

and I couldn't help it .-.

The week before I had to deal with a lot of random anxiety because I would remember at random times that she was coming over and I'd just... panic. I did my best to make it all perfect (and failed epically) for her and omg. SO. MUCH. PANIC.

I'm not even used to it. I'm a calm girl I do not panic, I never panic... until I do. çAç That shit's creepy ok? I do not like being all anxious and stuff. I hate it.

My life, my mind was so fucked up I stopped talking to her for three days straight, right after meeting her, because I felt like shit just thinking about her being disappointed about me, my house, my food, my cats, my family... hell, everything. I even felt bad for my fucking washing machine. MY WASHING MACHINE. Ok, now you know I can panic.

I really hope this won't happen never ever again. Ever. I don't like it. I want to be calm and the happy-go-lucky girl I usually am. No panic. Not ever. EVER.

Haru loves you.

(ever.)

Pile of Cells

So, today's kind of a weird day.

Ok, all of my days are weird, so probably they're just plaind boring days and I'm completely insane.

But today that's not the point. Or maybe it is. Idk.

Anyway I've been getting a lot of news about the girl I like and stuff and... I feel like crap.

But I'd better start from the beginning and it's that... I just had a rad weekend and I slept something like 4 hours in the last two days so I'm probably just having a random mental break down.

The girl I like is like... woah. She's awesome. I really really like her and I feel so happy when I'm with her and I'm a little awkward shit so she probably does not know at all or just ignores me.

If she's ignoring me... that'd break my heart, brain and everything. But it's fine and I'd just get over it hiding all the shit under the mat an stuff.

Omg I'm such an idiot.

Well anyway I've been getting news about her and I'm sad as fuck because she probably thinks I am the worst thing in the whole world so... yay.

I'd just give up and fuck off but I'm so tired of getting over her and falling fo her again the first time I see her or talk or chat or even hear her name. I'M SO TIRED of not being able to go on.

So I'm just gonna keep flirting. And I do not flirt because I don't know how to so I'll just keep being randomly nice to her with little invisible things that she does not notice so yeah.

I'm a useless pile of cells and salty water, what am I even.

Haru loves you

I'm not cute.

In this past week I've been sick, I've felt sad, alone, hopeless and... alone again and... well I felt like shit ok?

This all started because I noticed that some people who claim to like me (like... more than friends?) don't really talk to me.
I mean, they chat with me but they don't know anything about me because... they don't ask.

All out chats are like


How are you?

I'm fine and you?

Awwwww so cute! You're fine! So sweet *^*


And the same happens for... anything I say. It's just... a constant reminder about how cute/sweet/adorable I can be... while doing anything apparently.

Am I the only one who thinks this is fucked up?

I'm not even that ok with the idea of being cute (it's kind of the adorabloodthirsty thing from homestuck) but I can somehow deal with it.
Since I'm a girl and being a short girl will just give everybody the right to assume you're innocent and need someone to defend you from all the bad guys out there.

Bitch please.

But most of all... do I look like I have some kind of lack of affection or... hell idk. I may have some issue with my parents not showing me enough love or stuff but NO.

I do not want to be treated like a puppy. Hell I can be useful and strong and whatever, don't talk to me like I'm some kind of doll whose only purpose is to sit around being cute.

Holy shit.

But then this triggered something else.

What if they do that just because... they don't really care? I mean, they all say they want to be close to OWL and stuff so...

WHAT IF

I'm just the easiest way to get to OWL.

Since I'm the only one that's single.

This really fucked up my whole brain.

But Rika told me that's just how people usually flirt with you when they don't know you.
This is still pretty fucked up since I post and talk about myself so much it hurts (no really, it damages people's brain and patience, I'm sorry) but ok, I'll deal with it.

Haru loves you.

Teeth

Hello.

You know what? I'm kinda scared.

Every damn actor or singer or whatever has the exact same teeth.

They're all the same lenght, similar dimension and with absolutely innocent looking canines. And it really upsets me.

It's not really important, I mean, they're still hot as hell but it's just like... if teeth are just like fingerprints, unique and stuff... why do they look so alike.

I know, they're fake and stuff.

But my teeth are really different from Rika's or Shane's and the same goes for everyone I know.

They look all the same, it's weird. Looks weird.

Don't get me wrong. I still love all of my idols!

Haru loves you!

The road so far

Ok, now imagine some AC/DC music playing and just read this huge clichè of a post.

So this is some good old recap of my last year. Nope I won't do every month or every fucking event or stuff like that. I'm gonna do it like this...

People tend to turn life into four different quadrants: work, love, money and spirituality.

So here you go.

Work. And if I think about work I think of OWL or school.

It's been ok.

I mean I had some trouble in school, mostly because I'm lazy and I really hate my university, teachers and burocracy, just a bunch of assholes, but I just have a little bit of work to do and I'll be finally done with it.

And I have to say that I'm actually pretty proud of how OWL did this year. Ok, we haven't been as active as last year but I really had fun and I feel like I improved a bit with all the j-fashion thing and... I'm glad. I attended the National Harajuku Walk and I've been creating some cute stuff for my outfits... I'm happy!

And I still think this is the only thing that counts.


Now let's talk about love.

I'm still fucking single.

And I kind of miss the feeling of being loved and stuff. I mean OWL do a great job and I know they love me a fucking lot but... It's different. And I don't even know how, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about the way you feel in your head when you're in love and loved back.

Hell I don't even know.

Here, have a cute Cas with a hamburger.

Money.

What about money. Well I'm still not rich, but I had enough. I bought nearly everything I wanted and I've been living kind of ok through this year.

Lately shit's been getting worse and I'm... I'm starting to feel kind of hungry and angry at my family and stuff. But I should have talked about this in the "love" part and I won't do it here. Nor will I go back and add this shit in the right place.

Basically: Money, I wish I had more but who wouldn't?


Spirituality or mind or whatever you want to call this.

I'm ok.

I think this was the most eventful part of my life during this year.

I've been reading and learning about wicca and, well, different kinds of philosphy and I really liked it. I think I believe in karma and how our thoughts can lead us to a better or worse life. I've been doing my best trying to think happy thoughts and... I think it works. At least I feel more relaxed and ready to face all the shit that the world may want to throw at me.
I feel more... at ease with the whole world.

Well, what else.

This year I read Homestuck, and so I finally got over my fear of aliens and such. I'm glad because I was really scared and I didn't do things like stargazing just because of this.

I want to thank OWL for putting up with me and all my shit without making me feel guilty about it. I'm glad I have friends like them, I mean, we're a group, we're into fashion and stuff together but... even if they were "only" friends I'd still be incredibly happy to have them by side. They're like sisters and now and then I think about it and I feel like someday I'll just look at them and wonder what should I call them because... someday our bond will be way stronger than a simple brotherhood... and I really don't know how I'm gonna call it.
I just hope this will keep getting better, 'cause they deserve to be happy and I'd be glad to be with them to share beautiful moments.

Also I met a lot of awesome people, some of them do not know this but I really really like them. I wish them the best and I'd fight for them. I'll make sure to tell them someday that whatever trouble they're into they can count me in for support of any kind.
Hell I wish I wasn't this shy. I wish I could tell them clearly what I think and feel for them and just... let them know I'll be there if they'll ever need help.
I really wish I wasn't so fucking shy.
My life could be so easy.

Well I wish you all a happy nea year. I hope 2014 will be better than 2013, for you and for me.

Have a nice last day in this year, party hard and be happy, the future's so near.

Haru loves you.

It feels like shit

Today I went for a little walk in the woods.

Well not really, since there's snow and ice on the paths so I just walked down the main roads but I still enjoyed it.

The point is, since woods can be quite dangerous and mankid sucks I usually dress up as a guy so men just wont give a shit about me hanging there all alone. I mean, I look like a random 14-15 y.o. boy so nobody really gives a crap.

Apparently my mom does.

When I got home, happy and relaxed, she asked me if I was a lesbian and when I told her that dressing up as a guy does not really involve sexual orientation she asked me if I was a trans or something. She was quite upset and I felt really bad.

I'm not a trans but what if I was? God this sure as hell is not the right way to ask your daughter about personal stuff.

Anyway, she kept asking me about it and when I told her I don't feel safe going around dressed as a girl because I don't trust men to keep their dicks into their fucking trousers she laughed me off and... well that left me dumbstruck.

If someone honestly tells me of being scared of something to the point of changing its behaviour... hell, I'd take that seriously.
And it's not something I made up. Here in Italy shit's getting quite hard for women, rapes and murders are quite common and... well mom, I'm sorry for wanting to be kinda safe?

Anyway, the lesbian part really hurt.
She asked me in such a bad way, it's not even the first time but I really can't bring myself to tell her anything about my sexuality.
She says she'd be ok with it but she looks so fucking disappointed while talking about it... and then when I refuse to tell her she tells me I'm a bitch and that I hate her and stuff.

Well, I guess I'll really start hating her someday if she keeps being so pushy about it.

It should not matter.

Are you straight? Lesbian? Bisex? Whatever? HELL FINE, what would you like for dinner?

That's an important question.

I can't help but think that when I'll run away she'll think I'm a huge jerk, but I'll do it just to let the both of us live without killing each other.

I don't like to live knowing I'm not the daughter she wanted, the cute, well behaved, straight, kinda average girl. I know she wanted a girl like that. Like my cousin, actually.

But I really hate to censor my whole life just to please her. I need some freedom. I deserve it, don't I?

Everybody deserves it.

*breathes out* well, I just have to wait a bit more.

But I really am tired.

I never thought this all would affect me so much, but I really am tired of my parent's shit echoing on me.

It would all be so easy if I really did not love them at all.

Funny thing is they hold the whole "after all the things we've done for you you don't even love us" clichè subject against me.

God, I can't even...

I also downloaded Painting Tool SAI, I used to let my art take place on Gimp so... I'll talk about this someday (?)

Haru loves you

Shit on Tumblr

Ok, I've been avoiding this subject for a while now, I tried to ignore all this awful shit that lately has been filling my tumblr dashboard.

FUCKING PRO-ANA SHIT.

I agree, I can't understand what is like to be chubby or fat or anything, because I'm skinny.
But I know that anorexia is a disease and it's not funny. Exactly like depression isn't funny, schizophrenia isn't funny, OCD isn't funny and so on. There isn't a single fucking disease that is actually funny.

So why does this all look like a funny game to you?

How can you be reblogging pro-ana stuff? Why don't we reblog pro-cancer stuff then? Or pro-AIDS? Pro-TBC perhaps? It's vintage, isn't it? Too mainstream? Try pro-cholera!

What the actual fuck?

Why? Why are you doing it? Why are you doing your best to teach people how to ruin their lives getting sick, how to starve themselves? Just to look skinny, be thinner, be a walking skeleton. WHY.
How can you sleep at night knowing that someone might be following you into this?

The worst part is that usually who's reblogging this is just doing it as a self inspiration.
They're not actually anorexic but it gives them a "troubled existence" look...

But it's ok, just know I absolutely despise you.

This post is actually to inform you all that I'll unfollow whoever posts this kind of bullshit, because I don't want to risk reblogging something that'll lead people to that kind of blog.
I love my followers and I don't want them to get sick or to suffer.

I'm off cleaning up my tumblr.

Haru loves you.

Denial

So... apparently I started watching Supernatural.

I'm going to watch the 16th episode of the first season and I like it so far. Ised to watch random episodes when I stumbled upon them on tv but it's usually quite late and I'm not really into watching tv so I never really followed any series.

Ok, I loved House but that's not the point.

I'm not really sure about what made me want to watch Supernatural but I like to think that it's Dean's fault (Jensen Ackles' fault?). Let's face it. He's hot.
He's probably one of those few last men that make me actually bisexual and not a complete lesbian. Robert Downey Jr is another one of those few adorable men. God, I love Ironman.

Anyway I really want to think that it's just beacuse of sweet adorable Dean. I really do.

I really want to believe that this has absolutely nothing to do with that absurd amount of gifs where Castiel looks like a completely lost puppy that really does not get why having a pee on the carpet makes its owner so so so angry.

Come on.

He's a lovely puppy and you know you like it (?)

I'm gonna ask OWL if I can have one. I'll tell Rika I'll take him out on walks and feed him and buy him a flea collar and stuff.
I just really want one.
Rika... Rika if you're reading this... I'LL CALL HIM DENIAL. Please
Please.

Haru loves you.

I can't believe this keeps happening

Ok so I just found out something about someone.

There's this friend of mine (that from now on I'm not considering a friend anymore coz O M F G) that I thought was kind of smart.
Just kind of because I think he's been wasting his life and talent and shit but hey... it's his life who am I to tell him what to do with it? If he wants to let it slip down the fucking drain it's ok, as long as he does not hurt others... isn't it?

Yes, it is.

But now I just found out that he's something so so so so bad that I really can't completely believe this actually happened.

I use to be a pretty close friend of his some time ago and I just never noticed. I'm now wondering if this is something that came up to his mind after us drifting apart from each other or what.

Anyway, the point is... that he's a racist.

I know what you're thinking, I know what you all should be thinking and it's

OH MY GOD WHAT?!!

Yep, a damn racist. He absolutely thinks that white people's better that any other "race".

And what I immediatly thought is WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I mean we used to be quite close and even though I really look like a random European I'm half Mexican.

Did he ever think about it?

I mean, did he ever realize that I am a "half-blood" or that I'm "half-inferior-race" or whatever he could define me as?

And in that case what was I? Was our friendship some wicked "adopt a stray dog" act?

No seriously. What's wrong with people like him? What makes you think that a race (that just /happens/ to be yours) is better than any other?

I mean, ok. There /are/ races. We are physically different (ok to make this easy, just think about average height.) but that's all. There is no reason to think some races are better than others.

Our brains are all the same and really... who cares about skintones and shit? I do not. And I hope you do not either.

And don't tell me "It's normal, the world's full of racists" and stuff because it isn't. And even if it's normal it should definitely not be normal, because it's NOT OK.

So just promise me you'll all raise your kids without shitty prejudices and do you best to report any case of racism. The world needs to change.

The same goes for homophobia and sexism.


NO HATE.

Remember:

Haru loves you.